Not words one may typically might expect to find in the same sentence, but an increasing number of us are celebrating the end of our marriages with a knees-up. Celebratory divorce cards and cakes are becoming quite the norm too.
How do most people feel about divorce parties though? Would that courageous party face be a veneer as we danced the night away, wanting to reassure our friends and family that we are alright, or would we be truly celebrating? I’m guessing the answer is as varied as the different people and stories from the mix.
For lots of people getting divorced is incredibly harrowing, especially if there are children to take into account. Most of us have a romanticised view of marriage, which often ends with growing old and sipping cocoa by the fire together.
When things begin to go wrong people will often try many things before they finally decide to call it a day, committing to working through infidelity, melbourne fl animal removal, deception, financial hardship or behavioural issues. Before they call the divorce attorney they have often tried therapy, counselling from friends, family, religious advisers, mediators or trial separations until they finally say ‘no more’.
Practical issues aplenty also have to be dealt with. Finances and possessions need to be trawled through and apportioned accordingly. Ownership of this CD collection or a 5 year-old Christmas gift can suddenly attain an unprecedented level of significance and poignancy as it makes the reality of this situation even more bleak. There is rarely a reason to feel like celebrating!
Children can suffer the most because of divorce, feeling torn if they are asked to choose where to live or sense that they are expected to take sides. There may even be the emergence of new step-parents slowly making their presence felt. Child-related matters can call for much tolerance and patience so as to amicably settle custodial, financial and national arrangements. And even grown-up kids can struggle to take the end of the parents’ marriage, ‘it’s not supposed to happen’, can be heard quite often at these times.
Friends may be split in their loyalties, often declining to take sides, but in reality often ending up in one camp. Or friendships might be dropped altogether as the newly single situation causes discomfort or unease as everybody’s struggling to accommodate the new arrangements. It can even be an unsettling time for friends as they can’t help but reflect on the true state of their cozy domestic arrangements.
After all the drama there’s often a period of grief to be worked through, a sense of loss and feeling a failure to be processed. Post-divorce can necessitate time to heal and lick one’s wounds. It’s rare for both parties to feel the same about a breakup and over time the situation may have become acrimonious; each party may have had very different perspectives of the marriage.
So, once the dust begins to settle and a new house, routine and lifestyle have been embarked upon, throwing a party can seem like a signal that things are finally coming together and a new normality has begun to take shape.
It may be a time to shout, ‘I am coming out the other side’. However, it’s also important to be mindful as to how one’s ex is feeling. If one individual is clearly struggling financially or is still hurting badly surely some tact and sensitivity is appropriate.
After all, you loved each other once. Seeing your ex throw a lavish party whilst you can hardly afford to pay the bills seems unnecessarily cruel! And children, even adult children, can feel aggrieved if their parent’s demonstrate insensitivity by celebrating excessively at such a difficult time.
All the pre-divorce years of negativity, hurt, tolerance of a bad situation or time spent hopeless at an increasing indifference between you both – all that’s finally come to an end.
Tastefully pulling friends, family and fans together to share a fantastic time and say ‘thanks’ for their aid can be an important method to draw a line under the past and start your commitment to a happier, more positive new stage in your life.